Humility Matters.
This post is incredibly personal to me because humility has always been such a large part of my life. To some, it is merely a word said because people think they should have it. But, to me, it’s the driving force behind how I consistently show up in my life. Humility is the absence of pride or arrogance, although I’ve never met anyone that can be humble 100% of the time. So, you may be asking yourself why humility is so front-and-center in my life? Well, the short answer is gratitude. The not-so-short answer is experience drives behavior and I’ve met a lot of people who clearly don’t understand its importance. Unfortunately, in many situations, people take advantage of kindness and humility is characterized as weakness. Oh, but I certainly beg to differ!
Before we go further, you should probably know that I’m a hopeless observer of people and patterns. While I’m completely aware people can’t “make” others feel any type of way, I’m also cognizant that certain behaviors, comments, and actions can invoke powerful emotional responses from people, based on their life experiences. But, in these moments, the details really make no difference. It comes down to one thing - do I feel better or worse when I engage with this individual? Listen, the interactions we have with others matter and, if you’re anything like me, there are some you simply just can’t forget. So, let me share where humility first showed up in my life in a way that caught my attention and why I believe it truly matters.
I suppose I should set some context before I ramble on for days. My sister and I grew up in a small Midwest town, so it was a simple life. My parents were both teachers, so we had a firm understanding of “second-hand” with an occasional splurge. I was always exceptionally shy, which might seem hard to believe if you know me today, but I was always an exceptional student. I began running at a very young age and became an All-American runner, National Record Holder in the half-marathon, and participated in a 5-year Runner’s Study at Michigan State. But, as you know, we’re always one decision away from altering the trajectory of our lives - in both positive and negative ways. I never could’ve imagined how a few wrong turns could quickly turn my life upside down, but that they did.
By the age of 21, I was a college dropout, married to an abusive addict, and a divorced single mother. My life was a real mess, fueled by chaos, disappointment, anger, confusion, grief, and sheer panic. I was a baby raising a baby, fresh out of self-confidence, and on a fast track to nowhere. There was no child support and my ex-husband walked away from his parental responsibilities, so I was on my own. Financially ruined, emotionally scarred, and spiritually broken - this was my “fork in the road moment”. I was in desperate need of hope and had no idea where to find it. All I knew is I needed to lace up those running shoes and get to work because it was clear I had just signed up for the longest, most challenging run of my life.
My parents owned a residential and commercial cleaning company, as a side hustle, so I went back to school full-time and worked full-time cleaning toilets to make ends meet. One evening, I was scheduled to clean at a factory just outside of town. When I arrived, I noticed a woman still working in one of the offices. She was an executive who occupied an office up one flight of stairs from the factory floor. As I walked over, I saw the woman walking straight toward me. We were the only two people in the entire building and I was preparing to exchange niceties. As she approached, I looked her square in the eye and said, “good evening”. That’s when she looked me up and down, then kept walking without uttering one single word. WOW!
I was completely caught off guard as I had never had someone, so blatantly, disregard me. By the way, this was not one of those situations where she didn’t see or hear me and there was not a chance I misread the interaction. I felt invisible, less-than, and dismissed. There were no subsequent interactions between us, but she made the decision to hide paper clips on her office floor just to see if I was sweeping the floor. In other words, she was not interested in treating me like a human being, she was trying to catch me doing something wrong. While we all know people who behave this way, I had never witnessed this level of arrogance in my life. I don’t know how she justified the behavior, but I never forgot how horrible it felt to be the recipient of it.
I’d love to tell you this was just one solitary incident, but I’ve experienced my fair share of interactions with people who clearly don’t value humility as an influential trait. I’ve been patronized by the powerful, betrayed by the insecure, and victimized by the greedy ladder climbers. Unfortunately, there are far too many people out there, leveraging money and material things for power, status, and position. But I know something they clearly don’t know. Humility is not just some form of self-deprecating weakness; it is the foundation of trust…and trust is everything! After all, trust just happens to be the most valuable commodity when it comes to influence because you simply can’t have one without the other.
Over the next decade, I continued to work multiple jobs and start side hustles of my own, all while attending school full-time. it was a complete blur - the never-ending cycle of work, school, study, and sleep. I refused to give up on myself because I didn’t want to become a statistic. At the time, the goal was just to survive. I needed to make sure we had enough money to live but also wanted to ensure my daughter had opportunities and experiences. Money was so tight as we barely scraped by, but I hid the struggle and pressed forward. With the help of my family, I completed my Bachelor’s and Executive Master’s degrees. I’ll never forget what it felt like to get a job that required me to dress up for work. While this meant nothing to other people, this was everything to me. So, I dressed in my finest Goodwill attire and headed straight out to Corporate America.
But it quickly became clear others had not chosen the same road I had traveled. While all people struggle in different ways, it’s difficult to comprehend a view you’ve never seen. All the blood, sweat, and tears (and there were many of them) began to pay off as my work was noticed. I started to gain confidence, better understand my niche skills, and use them to fuel new opportunities. I met people who took chances on me and there was no way I would let them down. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude that I worked longer and harder than anyone else to both show my appreciation and protect my space. I outworked everyone, but not to show people I was better or smarter and certainly not to climb the corporate ladder.
I am a runner and while runners are competitive, they understand that competition is internal. I know how my life could’ve gone and feel blessed beyond measure to have survived it. I sacrificed so much, but with every raise, promotion, and achievement I was humble and kind. I wasn’t cruel and never treated people like rungs of a corporate ladder because I know something those people don’t know - humility matters. But let’s just clear the deck on this topic, shall we? I’ve never worked to impress people with things or to try to make them feel “less”, that’s simply not my character. It’s never been about showing anyone how smart or successful I am or lodging a competition to see who’s better. It’s always me vs. me, showing myself exactly what I’m capable of becoming.
Don’t forget, I’ve been considered “the help” across many different dimensions of my personal and professional life, so I quickly recognize cruel intentions and know exactly how it feels like to be emotionally kicked by friends, colleagues, and perfect strangers in the spirit of fair play. I also know that when you feed your own ego, you’ll get pretty full of yourself. So, to all the egomaniacs I’ve encountered along the way, fighting for your place within the social and professional stratosphere at the expense of others, you can’t out-dress character! I’ve understood your agendas, caught your condescending glances, ignored your audacity, survived your back-handed jokes, and been entertained by your false narratives. I’ve been ridiculed and borne witness to many forms of conceited arrogance throughout my life and, in the spirit of exuding a little class, stifled my educated tongue. But please don’t mistake kindness for ignorance - I see you.
Package that shit up any way you like, but please know that an overinflated ego eventually leads to a reservation for one. However, those who offer hope to the hopeless, with a side helping of empathy and humility, extend an open invitation for people to dine together.
